The Bond of Abuse
by scissorknot
Summary: Beecher and Keller. KeywordPhrase: Toby said, The worst part about it was.... Canon. PreOperation Toby, Beecher feels secure enough to talk to Keller a little about the abuse Schillinger put him through. Keller acts sympathetic but isn't really sure how h


_Your wife, she died._ _She killed herself._

Those words played themselves in his head over and over again like a broken record. The world around came to a screeching halt as if he was trapped in a dream. Yeah that was it. It had to be a dream. He would wake up any minute and find himself in bed with Genevieve. The warm soft touch on the back of his neck was further proof that this was all a dream. The illusion was shattered when he looked up and opened his eyes. The piercing blue eyes staring back at him were not that of his wife but of Christopher Keller. His mind went blank as reality came crashing down on him full force. His wife was dead, and he knew deep inside he was to blame. He mulled over the news that he was given until something inside of him snapped and everything went dark. When Toby finally regained his senses the metal trunk was in the doorway and chess pieces where everywhere. _What the fuck happened? Why the fuck are those hacks staring at me?_ Before Toby could say anything the CO's were gone.

* * *

Keller noticed the man standing in the door of his pod. McManus was his name. From what Chris had learned from Vern he was the brain behind EM City. _So I guess that would make you the Wizard. From what I have heard you are just like the one in the movie. An old washed up man who has long out lived your usefulness._ Keller watched The Wizard as he talked not really listening until he heard Tim say. 

"Your wife, she died."

_It looks like I am going to have to take back the useless part. I guess right now you are more of a messenger sent from above or below depending on how you look at it._ Keller suppressed the smile that was building. _I can't blow my cover now can I._ He listened to the short conversation between the Mark and the Wizard. As soon as they were alone Chris began to work his magic. _It is so much easier to get to someone to trust you when they need someone to lean on. _He placed his hand on the back of Toby's neck and rubbed softly. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Look, you wanna cry, you go ahead, man. No one's watching." The eyes that meet his gaze shook Chris. For a split second they seemed so innocent and fragile, but that was gone in a flash. The innocence was replaced by a darkness that startled him. He nearly lost it when Toby tossed the trunk. _What the fuck have I got myself in to? This guy flew over the cuckoo's nest long ago. _

* * *

**One Day Later**

Toby knew what the letter was going to say before he opened it but still he read it. He muttered something to his pod mate sitting next to him before he got up and walked away. He could not remember what he said; the only thing on his mind was getting away from Chris. He had to get away before the tears that he was holding back broke through. _I have got to get away from him._ _There is no way in hell I am going to let him see me cry. I cannot show any weakness otherwise I will end up as someone's prag again. _Toby ducked in to a storage closet to hide from the rest of the world._ Why does everything I touch turn to shit in the end? I can't take this anymore. No matter what I do it always blows up in my face._ He held his face in his hand as the tears slipped down his face. When Toby was finished he made his way back to his pod.

_Hopefully no one noticed my absence. I really do not feel like having to deal with their bullshit._ Toby made it back to his pod unnoticed. Thankfully Chris was nowhere to be seen because Toby was in no mood to have to deal with anyone. He climbed up in to his bunk and waited for count only leaving the safety of his bed to use the toilet when necessary. Toby was brought back to reality when he heard the guards yelling. Instinct took over as he jumped down from his bed and got in line. The whole time he never took his eyes off of the ground. Toby wanted to avoid the eyes that he knew were watching him. Word had to have gotten around about the letter. He just could not deal with the rest of the assholes in Em City. Not today at least. When count was done he made his way back to his bed. He pulled the covers over his head and tried to block out the world. It took a while but finally sleep managed to take over his body.

* * *

Normally Chris would have enjoyed every second of Vern's taunting, but something was different this time. He felt an over whelming urge to protect Toby from the verbal assault. Which of course he quickly concealed, instead he just watched as Toby quietly walked away. _What the fuck was up with that? Why they hell do I feel sorry for him? Whatever the hell it is I need to get over it fast. Vern is an impatient fuck. He is going to want this done sooner than later. The bastard never was one for foreplay. _

Chris spent the rest of the afternoon looking for his next chump since he was going to have to cut his game short with Beecher. Finding no suitable candidates for a replacement, he decided to strike up a conversation with the Irishman O'Reily. From what Chris could gather in the few days he had been here, Ryan was the only guy who was somewhat close to Beecher. He might have some information on how to better manipulate the situation. "Hey O'Reily what's up with that old Nazi fuck and Beecher? It seems like there is some bad blood between them."

"Bad blood is an understatement K-boy. Those two have been trying to kill each other for a while now. "

"What the fuck happened between them. Beecher doesn't look the type to start shit."

"He wasn't when he first got here, but I am sure you know that prison can change a man for the worse, especially OZ. Now before you ask anymore questions just get this straight, if you want to know any more about Beech you ask him yourself. I respect the guy too much to talk about personal shit with someone he just met. Got it?"

_This fuck is going to be a tough nut to crack_ "I know the rules of prison O'Reily. Since Beecher is missing, you feel like playing some chess? I suck at it but at least it'll kill some time."

"Why the fuck not? I ain't got anything better to do. Plus I'll enjoy kicking your ass."

After a few rounds of chess Chris began to regret asking Ryan to play. How much fun can you have throwing a game of chess? Thankfully Beecher showed up before they could start their fifth game. Chris' initial reaction was to go over and talk with Beecher, to try and get a little closer to him by applying some of the Keller charm. But an intense look at Toby changed that. He could tell that anything he would try would be futile. He could tell that Beech had already checked out for the day. Plus the feeling of wanting to protect him had returned. For some reason he could not stomach manipulating Beecher now. He just wanted to protect that fragile blonde guy. _Why is Tobe making me feel this way? I have never cared about anyone before. What is different about this time? I better stop thinking about it. I have a job to do, and I do not need to talk myself out of it._ Chris spent the rest of the after noon watching Beecher as he lay in his bed. Hours passed in what seemed liked minutes and before Chris realized the guards had started the count before lockdown. He watched as Toby got out of bed and made his way to line-up next to him. He wanted to talk to Toby but decided to wait until they were in their pod so they would have a little privacy. To Keller's dismay that chance never came. As soon as they were both in their pod Beecher was already laying in his bed with his head under the covers. Chris spent the next several hours just laying in bed waiting for the lights to be turned out. He had wanted to talk with Toby but he could tell from the breathing that the other man had managed to fall asleep already. There was no way in hell he was going to wake him up. He did not want a repeat of the first night in the pod together. "Ah fuck it. I'll take care of it tomorrow."

* * *

**Later that night**

A mysterious noise in the dark pod had awoken Chris. After a few seconds of staring in the dark he heard the same noise again. He muttered to himself, "what the fuck is that?" Again the noise sounded. This time Chris was able to track it. It was coming from the bunk above him. "Beech you awake?" The only reply Chris got was what sounded like a muffled whimper. "Hey man what wrong," Chris asked as he climbed out of his bed. This time he kept a safe distance between him and Beecher. He still remembered Tobias' reaction to the first time he tried to comfort him. He waited for Toby to respond but all he got was silence. "Oh I see the silent treatment. You really think that is going to work on me? Come on."

"Will you please just leave me alone? I really do not feel like having a heart to heart with some guy I met less then a week ago."

"I thought you would have known me a little better by now. If you did you would have known that I am the most stubborn guy you can meet. Now we can do this the easy way, and you can tell me why you are so upset or I can stand here until morning asking every five seconds 'What's wrong?' Now which do you prefer?" Keller waited hoping that Beecher would respond but instead all he got was a long, silent stare. "All right, it looks like we are going to do this the hard way then? It is fine with me. Hey man, what's wrong?" Keller kept repeating the same question every ten seconds. After three minutes of nonstop asking he began to see the do you mean fruits of his labor as the look of annoyance began to build on Tobias' face. Toby held out for a few more minutes before he finally cracked.

"Jesus Christ will you shut the hell up? You are worse than my son on his birthday."

"Only if you answer my question first. Also for a big time lawyer you have one hell of a foul mouth."

Toby did not let Chris' little jibe get to him instead he just rolled his eyes. "Before I answer yours I have a question for you. Why the fuck do you care what the hell is wrong with me? I have been in Oz long enough to know that no one cares about anyone else, unless they want something in return. So what the fuck do you want from me?"

Chris fell silent as he contemplated what he was about to say. He planned on using his charm like normal to get Toby to spill his guts. But before he could start to lay it on, old memories began to burn in his mind. His eyes went blank for a second as flashbacks to the abuse that he suffered began to play in his head. He was reliving all the times he quietly cried himself to sleep at night; the bruises, where just turning over in his bed sent tremors through out his entire body. Wanting to avoid the past all together he quickly shook of the urge to throw up and pushed those memories to the back of his mind where he hoped they would stay buried. "I don't want a damn thing from you. Well actually you can say I want something from you. At all the people in here, you are probably the safest to room with. Sure I could be with the dude in the chair or one of the old farts but I would end up bored as hell, and plus I like the bottom bunk. You do a good job at pretending to be crazy but I can see through it. I don't know what happened to you but you freak when anyone gets too close to you whether it be physically or emotionally. You build up this wall to try and keep people out. You do a pretty good job but I can see through any scam. You are one of the few people in here who isn't a career criminal. So I can trust that you aren't going to try to kill me my one night. It gives me a chance to relax. Which as you know is a luxury in the fucking hellhole."

Even though his face did not give it away he was stunned. This guy had just broken through his façade with no trouble at all. Toby was irritated that all of his hard work was destroyed in less then ten minutes. "Ok and your point is what?" Toby tried to sound as apathetic as possible but the tension in his voice was evident.

Keller laughed. "Beecher, Beecher, Beecher. When are you going to get it? Did you think I was joking when I told you I could see through any scam? That includes when someone tries to fake apathy. I understand that you probably feel a little uncomfortable, maybe a little nervous, hell you might be even a little scared. I mean hell your great wall of pseudo-insanity was just broken down in three minutes. If I can do that does that mean that the rest of the fuck-nuts in hear can do the same thing? Maybe, I cannot say for sure, but I doubt it. Mainly because the guys in here are fucking sharks and will take advantage of any weakness they see. That is why I am trying to get you to get over your hang up. I know your wife died but letting your guard down in here is a death wish. From what I saw earlier you and that Nazi fuck Schillinger have some bad blood. You think that he is going to leave you alone so you can pout? Hell fucking No! You have every right to be upset about you wife offing herself and blaming yourself for it. But just know that is fucking bullshit. She has no one to blame for her actions but herself. I think it is pretty fucking shitty of her to do that shit to you." Chris could see that he was treading on thin ice hear by the look on Tobias' face. "Now before you say anything, hear me out. From what I have seen in these few days you take the blame for everything negative that happens to you no matter what. There is no fucking way that you getting arrested caused your wife to kill herself. You need to realize that she needs to take full responsibility for her actions. I have seen marriages end because of prison, but the fact that she was willing to take her own life when she had children to look after. What fucking parent does that? Now normally I wouldn't give a shit if you ended up dead tomorrow but I really don't want a new pod mate right now. Does that satisfy your question?"

"Yeah I guess so."

"Good. Sorry about your wife man.

"Don't be. It sucks but she was going to leave me anyways. I could tell that when she came to visit me, the only time she came to visit me I should say. I just do not know why she was taking so long. I guess she was trying to find a time that was convenient for her. And besides I have gotten use to life double fucking me in the ass."

"Lovely. There is something that has been bugging me all day. What the fuck is up what that Schillinger asshole? I know most people in here could care less what the fuck happens to anyone but themselves, but that thing with the letter was just fucked up. I asked that Irish guy, what's his name, the loud mouth scrawny dude?"

"O'Reily."

"Yeah that's it. He said…"

Toby's face became flushed with anger as he interrupted Chris. "That fucker told you what Schillinger did to me. That fucking asshole. There is going to be hell to pay when I see…"

"Toby man relax. He didn't tell me a thing. He said he respected you too much to do something like that to you. That I would have to ask you if I wanted to know. After that little outburst I am not so sure anymore."

Toby was slowly regaining control over himself as he waited for Chris to finish talking. "Sorry about that. It is not like everyone in here does not know what happened to me. It was just the thought of Ryan telling you. He is really the only ally that I have in this place. The thought of him fucking me over kind of freaked me."

"Yeah I could tell. Feel free to not answer if you don't want to. But what the hell happened between the two of you? I think I might know but what I am thinking of normally does not turn out like this."

"Look." Toby took a deep breath and jumped off the top bunk. When he was steady on his feet he pulled his boxers down revealing the swastika that had been burned in to his flesh.

"Is that a…"

"Yeah it is a swastika that was burned in my fucking ass."

"Holy fuck. I take it that was not there before you were in OZ."

"No, that fuck Schillinger did that the first night I bunked with him. He played me like a fool. He 'saved' me from my first roommate. Really the bastard did not want some black guy raping a white yuppie lawyer who did not know shit about prison life. He treated me like I was some kind of toy and when he was tired of me he tried to get me killed. The level of cruelty that Vern demonstrated was inhuman. I just never thought it was possible to be that heartless."

Chris' face was placid as he listened to Toby talk, but inside his mind was screaming at him. _What the fuck? You think that because your ass came from the lap of luxury that you are some how better than me. That you didn't deserve the abuse, the fucking degradation, and the fucking dehumanization. But some how it was ok for me. It was ok for a fucking seventeen year old. I bet you have never thought about what the hell that others may have been through. You go around moping hoping that people will feel sorry for you. Fuck this shit._

"I really do not think I would have been able to make it through all that abuse without O'Reily. He supplied me with heroin. It did a great job at numbing the pain. When I was high on that shit I didn't care about anything. But really it was like putting a band-aid on cancer. It did not do a damn thing to make the situation better. But I have always been like that. Trying to solve all of my problems with something self-destructive. The more damage it could do to me the more I am drawn to it. I guess that would be my tragic character flaw if they ever wrote my life story. You know now that I think about it that would make a good book. The big successful lawyer with the perfect life and family that had to drink himself in to a stupor every day so he could not feel the emptiness inside. Kills a little girl and gets sent to a maximum-security prison as an example of the states zero tolerance on DUI's. Got raped on a daily bases until he finally snapped and shit in the face of his attacker after blinding him in one eye. Hum I wonder if it would have a happy ending?"

"All stories have to have a happy ending. It makes people feel better knowing their hero wins in the end."

"Yeah but this is OZ and me you are talking about. There are no such things as happily ever after in here. And if there was I would find some way to fuck it up. I have a real knack for doing that. Whenever it looks like I might be getting my life back to normal I fuck it up again. I wonder what will happen next. The only thing I can see would be Vern killing me. You know what? Now that I think about it that would not be so bad. I mean hell everyone would be better off with out me anyways. I can finally stop hurting the ones that love me. And it is not like Hell would be any worse than this. The worse part of all this is what I have done to my kids. I wish there was something I could do to make up for that. To make the world forget what I have done. But I know that they are going to have to pay for the sins of their father and that kills me inside. I guess that is really what has gotten me so upset. Knowing that I have fucked up their lives. I am supposed to make their lives easier as their father. I guess that is just another aspect of life that I have failed at."

"You need to get some sleep. I am sure you will feel better in the morning."

"Doubt it," Beecher muttered as he climbed back in to the safety of his bunk.

"We'll see." Keller watched Beecher before he retired back to his bed. _This is one fucked up guy. I could have sworn that he was just another spoiled rich bitch. But there is just so much more to him then meets the eye. He really carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Fucking Vern always could spot those guys. He could sense the guys that don't fight back. That just roll over and take t the shit that life throws at them. Fucking Lardner. Fucking Vern. How the fuck could this little bitch fuck over Vern? And when the hell am I going to stop being Vern's little prag? I so damn tired of owing that fucker. God this is too much shit to process in a few hours. I don't know what the fuck to think right now. I just need some sleep_. Keller shook his head trying to will away the memories of years past. Had he came full circle now? Had he became just like Vern? The one person he hated more than life itself. "Fuck what have I got myself in to," he muttered as he crawled in to the bottom bunk.


End file.
